Strength Under Restraint 005

Not every fight needs firepower.
Sometimes what wins the day is patience that can take the heat.

This week brought one of the most familiar frustrations in the builder’s playbook—a plan check bottleneck. Sounds innocent enough right? It’s not.
Reality Check:
If I don’t have a permit, my business is shut down, doors closed.
If I can’t dig footings, frame walls, hang drywall, install cabinets….I can-not-sign—paychecks. That’s the pressure I live with - and in California, permits are basically a plague for Builders.
Back to the story:
We’re ready to start the foundation on our senior housing flagship downtown, approvals in hand from the state, and still we’re stuck. Why? The usual: departments tripping over each other, minor corrections still floating, and a major sewer redesign that’s being reworked for the third time by city consultants. No real opposition—just systems tangled up in their own red tape.

The meeting? Tense from the jump.
The building official rolled in puffed up, ready to mark his territory.
Every part of me wanted to swing back—hard. I’ve done it before. Called it out in front of the room. Made it sting just enough to push the outcome my way.

But I didn’t.

I kept my mouth shut. Let them talk. Even when it felt off, even when I knew better.
And about 15 minutes in, something honest came through.

That sewer redesign? It’s no longer the beast we thought. Smaller, less expensive. And the city’s now planning to fully reimburse it. One of the public works guys even called afterward to say, “We’re trying to do right by your team.”

Five years ago, I’d have scorched that room - and burned a couple bridges with it.
This time, I fought a different kind of battle.
I had to die to the old me—the one that needed to be right, whose ego was driven by fear.

And I walked out carrying something I’ve never left a city meeting with before:
Peace.

⸻

Workbench Reflection

End this week with dignity.

Not every win comes with applause. Some come in silence, when no one sees the cost of staying steady. That kind of strength doesn’t make headlines—but it holds everything together.

Heading into the weekend, ask yourself:
• Where do I need to let go of the need to dominate?
• What could shift if I listened longer, spoke slower, and trusted deeper?
• Who might notice the change—not because I shouted, but because I stayed still?

⸻

You’re Not Alone

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about practice.

Let’s trade ego for understanding.
Let’s let the old ways die.
Let’s build a weekend that actually matters.